Deception to live my life without me

Deception to live my life without me

Like every morning my life restarts. After running a little along the promenade, I get in the shower and turn on the cold water tap. I’ll take five minutes while the ice water slides down my face and runs through my body. I leave the mark of my feet wet on the carpet, and take care not to let a drop off .

Exhaust pulse button and while my figure gradually as a dream in the circle of mirror framed by fog, try to recognize in an image I always reflects others. Let slip and slowly extend the oil from the water drops drawn on my skin, not forgetting one centimeter , from the toes to the ears.

My figure is reflected gradually as a dream
Then step up, following the steps in perfect order, as if he were painting a picture only auction. First the face, to go focusing on the eyes with the same expression of life than a Modigliani , highlighting the almond shape thereof, sculpting my lashes to infinity and beyond.
Relations as a mirror of ourselves

I always end up in the mouth, fleshy and well defined, with carmine highlight and challenge more daylight and season. Peinado and grate the millimeter on the right side, lock of hair pulled back behind the ear. I finish brushing my teeth, floss and rinse for five minutes.

The final point, two of my favorite perfume sprays in each ear, one on each wrist, the other between her thighs.

“The essence of immorality is the tendency to make an exception to myself”
Jane Addams-
Way to the room still naked and barefoot through the park, making the same noise that makes my cat pacesetters. I open the closet and look at my collection mostly labeled yet. Choose the interior, clothes always combined, and let the clothes fall gently on my skin still shiny and wet.

I open the fridge and make a juice vegetables and seasonal fruits, drink a little and heat up a cup of green tea. I choose a pair of high heels, I wear one of the rings of my collection of emeralds in the heart of the left hand. I hate to see him married combined with the right hand.

Grab my briefcase under the parking lot, I feel in the perfumed and bright bubble of my navy blue bentley, give the play, “sounds Barcarolle ” Offenbach and head another day at the office. Sometimes before leaving I forget to read the note my husband leaves me every morning . If this is the case, I call the cleaning lady to open it , I want you when I get not is closed. I was clueless all my life, even the silly details, including important details.

When I entered the office I put my life above the watch routine
I arrive at my office, from reception through the row of tables leading to my office a scale of increasing movements follow each of my steps: notice how each worker gets very straight in his chair, their faces still spattered by that tone that gives the lack of sleep. I greet you with a smile in which I always appreciate tension and fear, that makes me feel powerful and feel miserable.

My workday should always behave the same way, my way, my rhythms, a highly effective and creative way with no margin for error, otherwise I get upset and my cold blood boils even get to fire a worker.

“Almost all of us seek peace and freedom; but few of us have the enthusiasm to have thoughts, feelings and actions that lead to peace and happiness ”
Aldous Huxley
Happy woman walking

When I get home, I pour myself a glass of wine and smoke a few cigars on the terrace, as I watch the lights of the tallest buildings in the city, below the mine . My husband wants me and hugs me, I feel nauseous when he does, I’m looking forward to the weekend in which “for work” I have to be away, to actually be in the arms of my lover.

Nothing makes me feel bad, absolutely nothing, just sometimes when I see someone smile trembles something inside me, because I do not know when or why forgot that gesture. Sometimes, like now, I put myself in the mirror and testing a smile, but when more I collapsed, because it is not mine , because that emotion is grotesquely sad.

Only when I see a person smile, something inside me shudders
Because to me so depersonalized before the mirror is when I think I just am just a pretty restored facade masking a ruined building , a fruit artificially kept in a chamber that bring it to light decomposes lifelessness. It is only now, when I find myself naked to me and to whoever read me when more vulnerable and fragile I am.

But I want you to see, I want you to know, I write it , shout it , tomorrow nothing else enter the office – Gentlemen’m nobody, I’m dead, I live my life without me! -. I want to shout, go outside and embrace all who find and I implore you to tell me how to do to be happy .

Two tears, only two , roll down my cheeks. Then a Space of calm clothes me, and arises me questions that may perhaps also lead to the response of other questions, is it not this the beginning to find wherever you are ?

And I just hope that tomorrow when I wake up my armor not entirely close again and follow deceiving me, locking shackled within myself. As he has done so far, and blind captive inside a swanky existence, wrenching me and damages, making me forget everything now, crying’ve written them.